Camila Cabello, famous for taking Shawn Mendes out for his walks and also being racist to her bandmate, is the newest Cinderella. In one of the most disgustingly Twitter fantasy casts since the live action Lion King, she is the lead of a movie that looks entirely too much like a Target commercial, but like for the Super Bowl. That isn’t even the most confusing aspect of her weird stardom among a demographic I’m frankly still trying to figure out. Neither is her weird obsession with laying down baby hair that she simply does not have. The most confusing part is how her outfits always look like she’s going to junior prom or doing a high school recital. They always look like they are from the fancy section of a TJ Maxx. Here are a few I consider to be the most personally offensive to me, a poor person who dresses better than her, a rich famous Shawn Mendes walker.
In this business casual/cocktail look she is ready to impress the board of directors of her company at the annual Christmas party. She’s not going to pass up her opportunity to infiltrate the boy’s club, she’s ready to make partner. She’s keeping it simple with the shoes, showing a little bit of toe in case any of them are into that. The skirt says that she’s fun, that she’s not like those other shrill pant suit women who don’t dare to venture into mixed print skirts. It’s from the same Ross where my mom got me church dresses in high school. The top says you can be both professional and sexy, but like a lot of us she doesn’t have the big naturals to fully pull it off. It’s from the last open Forever 21. Makeup by the Sephora counter obviously, hair by her aunt that lives with her.
This poor man’s Marilyn Monroe from an already highly referenced performance in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes for a song called Havana is already hard to process.The boots and the gloves look like they belong to someone about five inches taller, the necklace looks like someone is trying to choke her with those chain leashes people use on pit bulls, and at one point she wears sunglasses. The entire thing is even more perplexing when you realize that you recognize the dress from somewhere else, and you’re not quite sure. And then it hits you, that’s the dress your sister wore when she was a bridesmaid at her college roommate’s wedding. The bride for some reason decided there was no reason carnations should be strictly relegated to lapels and wrists. So she had the bridesmaids in these disastrous matching hot pink dresses because the bride is a blonde (although her roots say otherwise) who shares a birthday with Marilyn Monroe. Anyway your sister made you throw it out but somehow Camila Cabello found it.
With this one it genuinely feels like she got scammed. As pictured above, the dress on the runway has a beautiful, light feathery fringe in a soft gradient grey. The gown is from Givenchy’s 2018 RTW Collection. As a fashion layman, I did some digging into why Cabello’s dress would look like that. Ready to wear means the collection is made in standard sizes and mass produced. This could mean that these dresses are less meticulously made and that’s why her’s looks like a haunted but refurbished Victorian lampshade, not even in a cool way like the ones on Anna Marie Tendler’s instagram. Regardless, someone should have told her the one she got is not the super expensive one. The one she got is the $74 version from this shady website I ended up on because the actual one is so expensive they don’t even publicly share the price with the rest of us plebs.
So the question remains, why do her outfits all look like that? Like she’s perpetually campaigning to be the official poster girl for fast fashion? If that’s what she wants, give it to her please! Anything to make it stop.